I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
