Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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