I cannot find my penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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