So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
