Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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