I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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