i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize