So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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