we're blogging at a bar
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
