seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
