i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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