I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
