take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
