how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
