i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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