My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
