pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
