Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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