drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize