You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
