the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
