Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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