Buhtt sex?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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