dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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