i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
