I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
