SEEEEXXX PLEASE
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
