PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
