he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My ass is underappreciated
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
