my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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