Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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