I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
