I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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