I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
