Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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