I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
