your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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