his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
