i love accidental penises.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
