There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
