she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
