i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
