so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
