I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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