i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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