fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
