I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
