he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
