As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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