i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
