i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
