Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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