Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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