I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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