All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
