girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
