home. puking in laundry basket.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize