When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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