she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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