Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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