Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
