You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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