I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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