I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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