whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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