Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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