I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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