I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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