my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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