Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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