I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You left your underwear on the fireplace
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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