I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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