if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
