The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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