there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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