Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
