Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
