I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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