It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize