How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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