Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
