This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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