WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
